The message just came through to say that all has gone a bit wrong on the travel front and she now doesn’t arrive at the airport until 10pm and therefore won’t make it to London until way past 11 thereby scuppering the surprise party.

Not one to be defeated however I intend to have a re run tomorrow night and just hope the cats don’t destroy my hard work!

Given it would be a bit odd to sit in a living room that resembles a kiddies party, Simon has convinced me I need to head out and dance anyway so he has propelled me upstairs to get changed and we are off to Roadhouse!

Watch this space! Highs and lows coming once I’ve danced my little tushy off!

Determined to end today on a high!

I’m now sprawled on the sofa, watching a very entertaining programme whilst I contemplate getting ready and heading out to burn yet more calories on a  dance floor.  I will never ever complain again about clubs being hot.  I will trade sweaty rivulets of make up down my face over frozen air slowly incapacitating my lungs any day.  But, at least I am one step nearer to Monty Blanc.

I’m still glowing after yesterday’s successful day and my lovely client.  It’s lovely to wake up in the morning and realise you really do love what you do.  It even prompted me to continue on my coaching coursework this morning despite wanting to embrace the morning under my duvet with a pot of tea and the newspaper (I’ve now confiscated my FT Weekend’s from Marmite – when I hear it being delivered through the letterbox there is a very unladylike race between him and I to get down there and be the one to retrieve it).  That said it’s currently still folded as I’ve been somewhat distracted playing solitaire on my iPad whilst trying to do some research.

I’m still not sure I’m a fan of the whole iPad thing (it got a bit of a bad rap to be fair in terms of association after the whole summer drama last year) and in fairness if Vodafone hadn’t offered me a free one (apparently my phone bills are so high they gifted it to me…note to self…stop talking) I would still be very anti-ipad but now I’ve found the solitaire game and the kindle download….I feel that’s about to change.  And as it’s the second generation I am told I can video Skype S as soon as she gets one.  Not sure that’s a good thing either given we all have very strange telephone habits…we’ve already witnessed my mother forgetting that we can see her when she says one thing to us and then turns to my father (on camera) whispering another to him.  Bless.

Having not woken up in the Hotel D’Inghliterra in Rome with S this morning to celebrate her birthday, I have endeavoured to do the next best thing which has included serenading her with a (too high pitch) rendition of Happy Birthday (I apparently sounded like Cinderella Mouse to all who could hear..damn speakerphones), and starting to organise a separate birthday celebration for her on her return tomorrow.  I did attempt to bake her a birthday cake earlier but when the second attempt came out looking like a rock hard biscuit (it would seem I am not blessed with the baking gene) I admitted defeat.  Tomorrow I intend to leap out of bed and head off to find a patisserie to secure a proper (edible) cake, candles, balloons and all other frivolity that at 37 we should have grown out of but haven’t.  Suffice to say that by 2pm tomorrow my flat should resemble a 12 year old’s birthday party.   Bea’s of Bloomsbury do NOT let me down tomorrow.

Right, I just have time for a quick read up on MMA (Mixed Martial Arts don’t you know) before I get ready and head out.  As part of the new charity, one arm of it is using MMA to help teach discipline to ex-young-offenders/errant teens as well as providing the coaching and mentoring service.  I may live to regret signing up to this bit of it and am just hoping that my role is more on the coaching side than having to learn hand to hand combat.  Although saying that, it would be quite cool…I could indulge my ninja/bond villainess fantasy some more.  Although given I squeal like a baby when I’m only having a pillow fight I fear I dream my body and brain can do far more than it ever really wants to!  I’d probably look like some comedy extra in the music video for Kung-Fu-Fighting a la Hong Kong Phooey.

And so to today:

High: waking up smiling and feeling that same sense of achievement from yesterday and feeling that all truly is good with the world.  Finally acquiring some new snowboarding boots so that I can quietly nip off to Hemel Hempsted snow dome for some sneaky practice pre Claviere (I can NOT borrow anyone else’s again…worse than bowling shoes!) Being told by a friend that I had “made the world right again” after she had seen me as I am apparently a ‘calming influence’ these days…ha!  I swear my parents will choke on their coffee when they read that but it’s not the first time I’ve heard it lately.  Must be careful though, calming influence could very quickly = dull.

Low:  not being with my best friend in Rome.  Realising just HOW MUCH pizza I ate before bed last night and feeling like it has already become an unwelcome resident of my hips.  Wishing I could scoop up all these unhappy kids in my arms and tell them its going to be ok in the end, nothing more gut-wrenching than seeing a child who has lost all hope (no more charity/mentoring videos for me this weekend).  Still can’t feel my toes….

Thankfully that miracle came in the form of an iPod shuffle that treated me to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack at a million decibels.  My morning started to get better when I glanced out my dressing room window to see the two old men on the window cleaning gantry opposite laughing and doing the Travolta move.  ”Cheers love…” came the shout across the alleyway.  Although saying that, it might have been less the music to dance to and more me prancing about in my underwear to “night fever…’ Trust me, I can wriggle my bottom disco style like no other although sadly more Marks and Spencers frilly boy shorts than gold lame hot pants!

I am now on the train heading back south again after a wonderful day with one of my biggest clients. All exhaustion gone and a faint sensation of elation settling in as I nurse my giant coffee and nibble on a few nuts – more work won for the next month and a resounding success from my all day workshop, all leading to one very big bit of good news;

I can go to the BRITS snow and music festival in Laax, Switzerland in March with zero guilt or worry about missing fee earning days.  Given Action Man from Kili climb has kindly invited me to join him and a male friend in Monte Genevre (Claviere) at the end of this month – in truth I invited myself, he just said I could tag along (poor bloke) – not only will I be able to enjoy the music and the party but I should actually be able to snowboard down a slope without stabilisers by then.  All good given I will be surrounded by free riders etc.  Given an old flame who used to be sponsored by ONEILL is also going to be there….I need to not look like a muupet on a giant flat board.

It’s something of a shame re the BRITS as I had hoped to take the Italian Ex last year as an Easter treat but moving him to live in another country got in the way and now it’s come around again and its time to get a group together….I just need people who won’t mind me being bruised and concussed most of the time!  Although….if Action Man can put training wheels on me later this month, I may be flying down them like a Bond Villainess.

Yawnnn…. goodness I am tired.  So much for elation outstripping exhaustion.  Six coffee’s, a diet coke, half a gingerbread biscuit and a few nuts do not a healthy diet make.  That said it’s not about to be improved on, I have been fantasising about pizza for dinner, especially given the marvellous new wood fired thin pizza place just opened up round the corner.  Heaven in the form of dough, mozzarella and Salame Piccante.  No guilt however as tomorrow sees me heading for both a run AND a proper training session.

In fairness I did actually finally break the seal and tackled my first training session on Wednesday and other than looking like I was about to have a heart attack when I left, it was all good.  I discovered Virgin Active are trying some psychological tricks to keep you going.  Just as I was about to climb off the treadmill having walked uphill for miles and then run for a good few more, the giant screen in front of my eyes suddenly started playing a promo for the olympics showing race-fit athletes.  Needless to say none of us stepped down and we all looked around sheepishly before adding on a few more minutes.  in fairness if it hand’t been for Lady Gaga’s Edge of Glory, I’d have been walking at a snails pace rather than actually breaking a sweat.  Tomorrow is 2 hours of disco classics so if you see a somewhat hyperventilaty woman running along embankment with a touch of Barry White moves to her…you know you’ve found me.

I am so glad today went well, in truth I’ve spent most of the past 48 hours fretting about it.  Added to which it is Friday 13th today.  Although in truth that concept bothers me less since I learned the true origin of the saying last year whilst studying the history of Jerusalem.  Did you know that Friday 13th superstition stems from the demise of the Knights Templar?  On Friday October 13th 1307 Pope Clement V, in collusion with King Philip IV of France, ordered the simultaneous arrest of all Knights Templar in France.  After being falsely accused and then tortured, most of them were executed.  I was explaining this to the taxi driver this morning as I headed into downtown Liverpool.  ”So you don’t need to worry about it meaning bad things happen, it’s not really a superstition, it’s just history” I said.

“I don’t think that was the case for them Templars now was it?” was the reply “I’d say that was some friggin bad luck for them”.  He has a fair point….

For those interested I can recommend some amazing books on Temple Mount, Jerusalem and the history of De Molay and the Templars….is fascinating reading.  It does make you wonder why we are always so ready to ignore and dismiss what history teaches us…over and over again.

Anyway, moving on I believe I should stop rambling and get to my highs and lows.

Thursday 12th January 2012

High:  Moving further along in setting up the charity.  Receiving a call from my friend in Peru out of the blue (I cannot wait for her to come home next week).  Laying in bed trying to sleep and deciding I needed a cat to snuggle with, called out their names and within seconds they had appeared from around the house, and were snuggling next to me – instant affection at the call of a name – love it.  Realising I really don’t have to do anything I don’t want to at the current time and suddenly realising how absolutely lucky I am to be in that position.  I get to choose what I do every day, and with whom.  Getting a lovely message from the aforementioned person who I thought had disappointed me/let me down.  Seems I just needed to be patient.

Low:  Feeling hormonal and grumpy and wanting to intermittently cry and then scream.  Cheering up my mood no end by watching a training video for more coaching about the post addiction counselling of meth addicted teenagers…seriously not for the faint of heart.  Trying to reconcile what I feel with what I know about a man…never easy and only one up from the meth addicted teens.

Friday 13th January 2012

High: Great client day and winning more work.  A new business enquiry landing in my inbox this morning from a very nice sounding client without me having to do a thing (when does that ever happen?!)  Knowing I am definitely going to the BRITS and get to become a true snow angel (if a hungover one).  Waking up to discover I have a flat stomach and pronounced cheekbones (now if only the second chin would disappear!)  The aforementioned moment with the window cleaners and Saturday Night Fever soundtrack…keeps making me smile as I think of it.

Low: Being forced to wake up and get up at 5.30am.  Not being on a plane to Rome with S at this precise moment in readiness to celebrate her birthday tomorrow (very sad – although am seriously thinking of just heading to Heathrow first thing and getting the first BA flight out there to surprise her). Feeling sad about a lost opportunity.

And finally, I want to share something beautiful and moving.  On Wednesday evening when I read it after accidentally stumbling across it, I was inspired and actually chose to act on it.  The item in question is a letter from the writer John Steinbeck (author of East of Eden, Of Mice and Men etc) to his son Thom who was away at boarding school.  The year was 1950.  Thom had written to his father to tell him that he had fallen in love with a girl named “Susan”.  The following is John Steinbeck’s letter back to his son.  I hope it touches you and makes you smile as it did me.

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

Source: Steinbeck: A Life in Letters; Image: Thom and John Steinbeck with their father in 1954, courtesy of UC Berkeley.)

And on that note, happy weekend folks. Lx

High: sleep sleep sleep, snuggled by nougat the cat, laughing at a joke with my dad. Having my 800 count sheets restored to heavenly status and my bedroom finally resembling a beautiful calm Holly Golightly style oasis again rather than a student tip! Becoming engrossed in a book covering the history of Russia – the writer just took me away with him…dancing round my living room to the soundtrack to “Footloose”.

Low: being really really disappointed in someone and having to finally accept they really are never going to change and wanting to stamp my feet at the unfairness of it all. Damn them and damn me for caring! Hmnph. Making tea with milk that had curdled and not noticing until I drank it. Realising Marmite had moved from destroying the amazon box on to my FT Weekend newspaper and magazine I had yet to read! Realising I can’t be in Rome on Saturday to celebrate S’s birthday.

Day 11 – Jan 11 2012

High: my first proper barista coffee after 4 days of yucksome from-a-capsule coffee. Oh the sheer pleasure….toes curling. Pleased S talked me out of reacting to last nights disappointment – wise owl that she is, she saved me from a moment of foot stamping hair pulling toddler behaviour. Ok not saved exactly but at least I did it in private!

Low: opening the fridge to find an old jar of pickled garlic cloves and a pot of French butter (even Worrall Thompson can’t make that into a breakfast) and contemplating gnawing on a clove rather than leaving the warmth of my pjs to secure milk and eggs at such an early hour. Putting off asking an ex-fiancé a huge favour for another week…where is my backbone… ! And now wondering if it’s normal to have had five ex fiance’s and one ex husband at the gentle age of 37….hmm….before you think me too shallow just know its very hard to say no when faced with so many beautiful diamonds and so many rather sweet men – just a touch unfair that the one man I really did fall in love with is the one man who doesn’t stop disappointing me and being a bit of a numpty…even now!

“Plus ca change” as my dad would say! And in the words of Renault’s Clio: “oui papa!”

I’m done.  Yes, it’s true…I’ve finished.  Finally.  Every teeny tiny little bit of work is done done…and in case you didn’t hear me the first time…DONE!  I have had no weekend, no rest, no break, in fact pretty much no nothing, but it’s been worth it.  I hit my deadline with a mere 11 minutes to spare.  If I weren’t so blinking shattered I would be doing a small Chandler-esque victory dance.  Although even if I had the energy I’m not entirely sure the skinny jeans of today would permit that much movement, I lost the feeling in my skin around the waistline around midday today…that’s what I get for zero physical activity in four days.

Anyway, Saturday passed in the Sports Bar and Grill with both S and I attempting to work, although as previously mentioned she fared far better than I did.  I kept getting distracted by the soft rock 90′s music.  How can you not sing along to Whitesnake’s “Is this love” or Heart’s “These Dreams” and I tell you, when Van Halen came on I almost jigged my chair from one end of the room to the other.  Who knew I was a driving ballad rock classics chick.  Perhaps I ought to keep that quiet.

As I was bobbing up and down and tapping my pencil to the music, S just kept looking up from the laptop and raising an eyebrow at me.  It says something that I tried to high five her with a sense of true accomplishment when she finished her first module and I, I had managed to set up a powerpoint template.  I promptly descended into woe some melodrama circa 10pm (still in the bar) when I realised how much faffing I had done.

We both fell into bed sometime shortly before midnight and were out for the count.  Neither of us had even had the energy to eat although in fairness S’s tiredness was due to work, mine was down to some fancy chair dancing.

But, lo and behold, 8.30am and S’s alarm clock went off and she literally hauled me out of bed and pushed me shower-ward.  And so my Sunday was spent back in the Sports Bar with our makeshift desks.  Thankfully the work muse was with me and whilst S nipped back to bed for a mid afternoon nap, I didn’t move from my seat for 8 hours.  Powered by coffee, diet coke and a (too small) portion of scrambled egg, I managed to ignore the football game, the roast dinners, the annoying nasally voice of a woman sitting behind me and worked.

When S finally pried me out from my seat at 7pm with promises of a giant cup of tea and a new snuggle jumper I had actually gone cross eyed and had a bottom shaped like a wooden slatted chair.  I walked back to the flat with one eye closed, propelled purely by the thought of a warm duvet and silence.

Sadly, this was not to be as I was greeted by the plaintive screeching of three cats who were starting to take serious umbrage at three days of being ignored.  Not to mention it appears that the aforementioned Amazon box has been the subject of some feline bickering.  On entering the living room, S and I discovered bits of the box floating in the air all around the cats and half of it missing.

This however did not stop it being the plaything du jour.  Once I had crawled into pyjamas and flopped on the sofa with my hand wrapped around the world’s biggest mug of tea, S and I were reduced to silence as we watched one of the cats take a run up and then jump on the box and surf his way along the wooden floor.  Then trying to get in on the act, another one then sat in the box whilst being propelled in the other direction by the first cat.  It was extraordinary.

I was just about to head into the land of nod, upright on the sofa when I heard a gentle shriek from S.  I won’t go into too much detail here, but suffice to say she and I spent the next two hours laughing, cringing, hiding behind cushions and cats as we were transfixed by Got To Dance.  I can only thank the gods of past technology that there were no such reality shows when we were kids or else I would have been auditioning for all the dance ones (and regretting it later no doubt) and thinking of myself as the next J-Lo.  As it was I spent much of my childhood/teens rolling back my parents carpets and ruining their parquet flooring with versions of tap, ballet, contemporary, even solo dirty dancing (you don’t want to know!)

Anyway quite simply it was the perfect, funny and friend-bonding end to the weekend and as the last dancer left the dome I promptly fell unconscious next to S and dreamed of being the lead in Flashdance, Fame, Footloose…or even just one of the girls on the float with Ferris Bueller on his day off.

And today, today has passed with me in a new working location…a wonderful brasserie I have discovered keep me plied with coffee, wifi and the occasional biscuit.  I’ve now been here 8 hours and now that I have finally finished my work (did I mention that?!) it is most definitely time to leave but I will be back.  I like this place and any staff who automatically bring me latte’s every time I look thoughtful are well just the best.

And now, hopefully after a long looonngg sleep, tomorrow life can return to some kind of normality.  It would be nice to communicate with someone without having to use a keyboard and read a newspaper rather than relying on Yahoo!’s headline news – which to be honest is rather dodgy unless you want to know about C-List celebrities or dogs who can jump over rubbish bins in one leap.  It hasn’t been too helpful in keeping me abreast of share prices and political developments, although I have read my stars for the past 4 days and let me just say, apparently good things are soon to happen.  Hmmm.

Sunday Jan 8 2012

High:  without doubt spending the day with my best friend, laughing, working, sharing stories, dreaming, dancing, reminiscing….just the whole day.  There are very few people you can be an absolute muppet in front of and she is one of them.  Watching Marmite “surf” the floor in his Amazon box. Falling into the best bed in the world.

Low:  wondering whether I have made the wrong call on something to do with someone from my past and it affecting my concentration and mood a little.  Worrying about running my own business and being able to pay bills…feed cats…eat…  Feeling just a little sad/lonely when I heard S talking to her fiancé at bedtime.

Monday 9th Jan 2012

High:  finishing my work before the deadline (hey 11 minutes is 11 minutes!) hearing from a female friend I haven’t heard from for months and had assumed had fallen into the “lost friend” category and arranging to meet for lunch this weekend and realising how lucky I am for having some of the most amazing friends who unfailingly help me out no matter how far I fall down a rabbit hole.

Low:  knowing my sister is poorly and I haven’t been to see her, my washing machine hasn’t been unloaded in two days, my flat is a bomb site and my fridge is growing small life forms, not to mention I cannot feel my stomach thanks to the tightness of this waistband, I felt I had to introduce myself to my gym kit and bicycle today as if they were centuries old relics and…and…shallow as I am this REALLY bothers me, I have chubby fingers today!